Saturday, September 8, 2012


Sweet holy mother of SLEEP! Now that is what I needed. I have been so tired all week but last night I went to bed at 8 p.m. and I slept until 7 a.m. I'm like a new woman. I haven't slept like that in about a year.

This week was exhausting. I honestly haven't been feeling that great. By no means have I had a full-fledged relapse back into my terrible postpartum low, but I have been feeling about a notch or two outside of myself. Fortunately, I feel like I have a lot of the tools I need to push through. I will do everything I can to not let myself get that low again. I'm done with it.

Adding to the exhaustion was the fact that Jason was in Chicago for work all week and I was flying solo with Hannah. I've never felt so discombobulated. I have so much respect for single moms. Good-intentioned single moms. Not perfect, of course. No mom is perfect. But I think parenting is one of the most complex, challenging, emotional jobs I've ever had. I've had plenty of complicated jobs in my day, but I've never been so emotionally invested in any of them. I sell prepaid cards as a day job. I'm not emotionally tied to prepaid cards.

In Greek and the Bible there are different variations of love, each representing a different type of love. Agape love, eros love, philia love, storge love. I wish this same logic applied in the English language. We only have one word for love, but feelings of love can be so different depending on what or who you love. The love I have for Hannah is a new kind of love. People say, "Don't you just love your baby?" And I do, but it's a new emotion. It's a feeling that I've never had for anything or anybody else. It's hard to describe, but all of my new mom friends agree. It's scary, exhausting love. It's deep, intuitive love. It's a love you get in your stomach first and then it fills your whole body like a warm inner hug. It's a love you'd sacrifice your whole life for.

The love I feel for my baby is

It's DENIPOSA love.
a love like no other

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