Wednesday, October 10, 2012

There is no "clone yourself" in "team."

I'm womped.

I have a perpetually sick baby on my hands, and I only have two hands to soothe my perpetually sick baby. I need at least four, maybe six. I need to be an octopus. Except I do not want to be octomom. Just octo-hand-mom.

I have been working like a madwoman lately. I'm trying hard to get some stuff ready for our company's sales conference, but I've learned quickly that you can't work from home with a baby. Especially a sick one. And one that crawls around like an inchworm on speed. What I want to do is revert back to my part-time schedule where I get to crawl around on the floor like an inchworm with my perpetually sick baby. Hannah helps me simplify things. We jump in doorways. We squeal. We roll around. We throw toys. It's the awesomest.

Conference is next week, and once that's over I will be reverting. Oh, I will be reverting.

Why is it that I always feel like I am swimming against the current? Am I a salmon? I am a Pisces. Does that count? Am I heading upstream for a purpose? Am I going nowhere fast?

This is me:
Something smells fishy
I need to slow the heck down. I think that sometimes I'm so happy to be so distant from my severe postpartum issues (3+ months - yay!) that I want to do everything now. My PPD was life changing. Absolutely gut-wrenching, perception-altering, game-changing, death-defying, live-like-its-your-last-day ass-kicking. Now that I realize how sensitive it all really is and how easily and without warning it can get completely thrown off course, I just might be doing everything I can to defy it. Maybe I'm over-defying it. Will I ever be "normal" again? The phrase "finding your new normal" is tossed around but I think I know what it's all about. It's about surrender. Hell. I'm the worst at that. I think I'd be a great eight-handed woman instead. Hmm.

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