I started to write this post yesterday but Nyquil kicked in and I had to close the laptop before I published anything that referenced my weight or vices.
Last week was special. Let's do a recap of last week's top 3 newsworthy events both outside of my life and in my life, shall we?
Top 3 Newsworthy Events That Have LITTLE To Do With Me
Oh my Canada. Nickleback's Chad Kroeger and Lucifer's Avril Lavigne are engaged to be married. I am already scared of their offspring, although I don't have an enormous amount of faith that they'll even make it down the aisle no less procreate. My friend "G" ruined a potentially good night's sleep when he posted this nasty little mashup on the Facebooks:
|Its eyes follow you wherever you go.|
You were mistakin', Akin!
One good way to help your opponent beat you in a race for the Senate is to proclaim that a woman's uterus can prevent pregnancy from taking place if she is a victim of a "legitimate" rape. Missouri's GOP Senate candidate Todd Akin did just that last week, and it's such an ordeal in the news that I'm sick of hearing about it...and I'm annoyed at myself for posting this but it was newsworthy so what the hey. This kind of reminds me of the time Tom Cruise spouted some nonsense about not "believing in" postpartum depression (because apparently PPD is playing in the same field as the Easter Bunny), but people still watch his movies so I'm sure Akin will still get a handful of votes. I understand where what Akin said could fire a lot of people up, and I'm terrified for him that he said what he said too. But I can't stand to hear people call him terrible names or threaten his life. Come on, people. He's certainly not the first politician to be terribly misinformed and say something ludicrous. When the time comes for the election we can all send our messages then. It's going to be obvious that people don't align with his special beliefs when he loses by a record setting margin. I hate political crap. I hate its face right off. It's hard to muster any desire to vote when you don't stand completely by anyone in the race.
|"Flubbita flubbita flubbita"|
There goes Honey Boo Boo
She started out as a pint-sized spitfire on TLC's Toddlers & Tiaras, and now Honey Boo Boo has gotten her own spinoff show, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, so we can educate ourselves on the background of this backwoods little baby girl. Who is Honey Boo Boo? I am not sure anyone really cares. This poor girl and her admittedly redneck family are going to be on TV just long enough to earn quasi local celebrity status and screw poor innocent Honey Boo Boo up for life, as if she wasn't already going to be jacked for life from the pageants her parents put her through. I want to adopt all of those poor pageant kids, hide them in my house, and never make them put flippers in their mouths ever, ever again. Just my 'pinion, y'all.
|I'm sorry, honey|
Top 3 Newsworthy Events That Have EVERYTHING To Do With MeHannah has tooth
She's approaching the young age of 5 months but it is pure fact that her bottom front left tooth is making it's debut already. My mom said my siblings and I were early teethers so I am not sure if that's a hereditary trait but there's no doubt that it's coming up. She's been drooly, chew-crazy, and a scoshe tempermental, but I avoided assuming it was teething-related because apparently everyone thinks their babies are teething early. However, you can feel this thing. It's fo realz. I had a dream the other night that her teeth were coming through on the bottom so clearly I have the magical power to make my dreams come to fruition. Now if only I could dream that she doesn't have the start of a mullet going...
|Business in the front, Baby Party Time in the back|
My mom planned a pool party so it could rain
It's the "Great Drought of 2012" and my mom decided to plan a party at her neighborhood pool so our family could get together, swim and eat. Hannah is fighting a cold and so am I so neither of us got in the water, but it wouldn't have mattered if we were healthy anyway because the pool kept being evacuated due to thunder. We all ate and spent about two hours hanging on the patio together before the skies opened up and dumped buckets of water all over us. It has probably rained three times since May. We had a lot of fun being together anyway.
|Wouldn't want to get wet at a pool party|
My immune system proves once again that it is pointless
Hannah keeps bringing home the gift of illness from daycare, and since my immune system is a collection of malfunctioning organs, I get to enjoy every sickness she brings home. She started to snot up around Wednesday last week, so I got to watch her feel crappy for a few days knowing it was my turn next. The germs took over by Friday. And today the germs spread to Jason. I think Benson the Fatty Lump Dog might even have it, but his nose always leaks and he's old and crotchety all the time so it's hard to tell. All an illness has to do is reside in someone who glances in my general direction and I'm sick within seconds. It's going to be a long few years while Hannah attends the petri dish of daycare.
|Hannah Bear, my little sicklet|