Happy due date day!

The app is telling me today is the day. Oh yeah, app? (The app also says adorable aliens are in my phone. Hmm.)

Welp, today is Hannah's due date, and she still isn't here to celebrate it with us! We're going to celebrate anyway. Jason bought me a delicious IHOP breakfast to start off the day, and then we took Benson to the dog park for a morning of sniffing/scratching/barking/running/more sniffing. That about takes us to where we are now. Kelly, the doll, is going to be dropping by later to bring us some 'happy due date' brownies. In the meantime, my fat feet are up on the couch and I'm just going to sit here and contract like a chump until Jason gets back from the gym and entertains me. C'est la vie!

The Muther Awards

Muther Award

'Tis due date eve, and I'm still impregnated, so I've decided to celebrate this occasion by issuing the Muther Awards: my picks for some of the top highlights of pregnancy.

Most Humbling Milestone
A couple of months ago I would have said that I was most humbled by having to get help from Jason to put on my shoes. That would have also been a most hysterical moment too, because the struggle to get shoes on my feet always resulted in both of us sweating and crying from laughing so hard. Or me just crying from frustration and throwing my shoes. But, recently, I think the most humbling moment came when I went to put on my maternity clothes and I had outgrown them. All of them, seemingly at once. I have resorted to wearing a few select pairs of pajama pants and Jason's t-shirts, which are also rather snug in the belly region. And which are now stained from my inability to get food into my mouth (see recent post about Mutherford needing a bib).

Biggest Meltdown Blamed on Hormones
I had to interview Jason for this one, because he keeps referring to a specific incident (he calls it the "golf incident") that perhaps I was hormonally blinded for because I just don't recall it...but the story goes like this: Apparently at some point early in the pregnancy Jason went golfing and then out to Buffalo Wild Wings for some adult beverages and man-junk-scratching time, and although I was OK with his man-date when he left I was NOT happy about it when he came home. He recalls a highly disgruntled, Mr. Hyde wife, eyes red and yelling at him for leaving me to sit home all pregnant and incapable of drinking booze. How dare he have fun without me?!?!?!?! I may have been having alcohol withdrawals, or I may have been intoxicated by hormones. Either way, I must have blacked out and blocked it from memory because I have no recollection of said meltdown, but he remembers it vividly. And he's still scared of me.

Funniest Baby Brain Moment
The award here goes to the time I ran a load of wash without putting in clothes. That's downright ditsy. But a close honorable mention goes to the time I pointed my car key at the work elevator and pressed the unlock button thinking that might open the doors.

Best Worst Unsolicited Pregnancy Comment
The clear winner in this category has to be the comment made by my male coworker who spotted me when coming off the elevator at work and shouted "Here comes the fat lady!" That gets a flick in the forehead.

Most Random Pregnancy Symptom
It's a toss-up between all of the neat third trimester surprises. Let's see - there's the exorbitant edema (swelling) that has left me and my pork chop feet in flip-flop-only mode. There's the unexpected carpal tunnel hands that have been a real treat when I try to, you know, hold things and not drop them. There's the arms falling asleep. The white dots that have appeared all over my skin. The constant sensation that I have to pee. The dark patches that grace my armpits and parts of my face. But honestly, I think the clear winner for me here has to be the permanent congestion (a.k.a. rhinitis of pregnancy) that has given me breathing hell since somewhere around January. At night when Jason and I retire to bed, I'm a vision in Breathe Right Strips. I think Jason probably finds my snoring attractive and a great alternative to counting sheep.

Favorite Craving
Oh, have I enjoyed the sweets. Before pregnancy, I wasn't much of a baker or even a huge consumer of the sweets. But, I developed a really unique pregnancy past time of buying one baked good to work on each week and baking/consuming it while watching Biggest Loser, of all shows. Nothing like nestling on the couch with a cupcake while watching enormous people do the exact opposite on TV.

Scariest Moment
I was pretty frightened when I passed out at the DMV several months ago, but I think that was even overshadowed by the night I was jolted from mid-sleep by the world's worst charley horse in my leg. I literally woke up screaming, and I think it freaked Jason out so much he may have given birth to something that night.

Best Realization
Life, as I know it, is different. Things have already changed. I have already sacrificed for my baby girl and I'm OK with that. I no longer take my body for granted. I see my husband as a father too now. I already have a greater appreciation for parents and the choices they are faced with and the worry they endure. I have more fun shopping for baby stuff than myself. I never want to be out of shape because it's exhausting. I don't have to drink (although sometimes I still will). Sometimes you plan life and sometimes life plans you, so it's important to be flexible and open to reshifting priorities. Nothing is more important than the people you love. And nothing is funnier than laughing at your big fat pregnant walrus butt with them.

Call me Bonnie

When? When will she come?

Jason said I should now be referred to as Bonnie, the character from Family Guy who remains pregnant for most of the series. We're 2 days away from the due date. Who would've thunk we'd last this long? Not this girl.

Mutherford needs a bib

Apparently my belly is the black hole for food, because I can't stop spilling things on my shirts. OK, they're  not my shirts. I am now wearing Jason's shirts because they are far more comfortable than my own. Don't judge.

I think it's what you get when your hands are numb from carpal tunnel and your stomach won't allow you to scoot into the table far enough to help catch the falling food. Either way, I've destroyed several shirt fronts.

Maybe I should consider a full body bib. Something like this might catch some of the crap:

Extended bib

Valiant effort

Well, we ended up in the women's evaluation unit yesterday per my doctor's instructions, but as I type this I am sitting on my couch so obviously we got sent home. I called my doctor yesterday because I am having excruciating lower back pain and a lot of contractions. The hospital nurses checked many different things but ultimately decided we could go back home since the contractions weren't regular or productive enough. So we got the boot and now my irregular contractions and I sit on a heating pad at home trying to get my back to calm down.

...and stay out until you're dilated more!

39 week photo, AHAT = 5 days!

Here's what's going on with my body right now:

Week 39 photo

Doesn't it look like a baby is peeking out from underneath the yellow tank top? Yep, that's my belly. You really should see the yellow tank top from the front. I'm not going to show you, but you should see it. It's hilarious. And by hilarious I mean not attractive.

With a 3/31 due date, that puts our Anticipated Hannah Arrival Time (AHAT) at just a mere 5 days. We could...go...ALL...THE...WAY!

I'm still working from home right now. It's a little slow because my company's fiscal year ends 3/31 and vacation doesn't roll over, so many people are out of the office. Plus, in preparation for my leave I've mostly offloaded my work. I still have some things to do, but it's kind of quiet and boring around here. Peaceful too. But sometimes a little lonely. My only company most of the time is my dog Benson and the television.

Speaking of TV, I'm watching the show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." I cannot believe these people! Granted, not everyone has a belly explosion like mine, but I just don't know how these women are clueless for all of those months. At some point, I would think some symptom would set you off! A bunch of phooey, I say!

Yep, I'm still here

No baby yet! Just waiting. Here is what it feels like to wait for your baby to come out:

You can do it, little grass seed!

Like sand through an hour glass...so are the minutes of my wait.

See the one in the back in the white shirt? That's me. Waiting. It's what I do.

We've all felt like this at the pharmacy.

He said he'd call...come on, phone, ring!

The next available doctor will be with you about the time you are healed.

Boil, pot! I'm watching you!

Sing it, baby

Not necessarily the motivation behind naming her Hannah, but it doesn't hurt that Ray LaMontagne is one of my favorite artists ever. Click here to hear his song Hannah on the YouTubes.

AHAT = 1 week 5 days

This homestretch is stretching along about as much as the yellow tank top! Speaking of which:

38 weeks

You may have noticed that the quality of the photos has decreased. No, it's not because the subject broke the camera. We actually packed up the good camera in our hospital bags so we've been using my phone to take photos. I don't necessarily need a good camera to hone in on all the 'details' right now anyway!

Raindrops on roses

We're going to wrap up this whole pregnancy thing soon and while I have spent some time crabbing about the homestretch discomforts, it's helpful to think positive, so I'm going to take a moment to reflect on a few of my favorite things about this experience:

• Watching my husband become a dad. He has made me breakfast every day since we found out we were expecting, referring to it as "feeding Hannah." He put a lot of effort into getting her room ready, he talks about her constantly, and he takes very good care of me. I'm a lucky lady, and Hannah's a lucky baby.
• Baby kicks. And pokes. And hiccups. And punches in my sister and husband's faces when they got too close to the belly. Nothing in the world compares to feeling your baby move around inside of you.
• Sharing the news. Telling my family, friends, and coworkers that we made a baby is something we will never forget. It's great to have people excited for you.
• Being showered, both formally and informally. The formal showers were phenomenal, and I will always cherish the memories of those events and the love I felt. And the informal, unexpected gifts we received countless times from friends and family members will never be forgotten.
• Finding myself in awe of God's design. For perhaps the first time in my life, I realized how truly my body is on loan to me from God and meant for purposes that are beyond my control. Sometimes it has sucked feeling like I have no control over my physical self, but at the same time I am grateful for what my body is being used for.
• Conversations with Hannah. She will surely know my voice when she comes out. We've talked about a lot of things...our plans together, her favorite color, songs she has danced in-womb to, apologies for bumping her fortress against things, and so on. And she knows my singing voice pretty well too by this point. We don't hold back in the car or the shower.
• The great girl clothes shopping trip Emily and I went on. I had just found out I was having a girl a few days earlier, and Emily was expecting Julia in a few months, so we did what any normal mothers would do: spent an entire day purchasing an excessive amount of baby clothes. It was one of the best days in pregnancy history, made complete by the sharing of two back-to-back dinners (we're pregnant, what do you expect?) and topped off with the sharing of two cheesecake slices for dessert. Quite the day.
• Daydreaming about her. I know when we meet her it will be amazing, and being able to dream about her has already given me a lot of joy.
• Witnessing my dog freak out. Benson knows something is up. He's all squirrely when he enters Hannah's room. He sniffs my stomach. He has no idea what kind of ear tugging and tail pulling he's in for.
• Satisfying pregnancy cravings by way of sweets and Qdoba queso burritos. Those things just didn't taste as good before. Now they are the sunshine on a cloudy day.
• Trading pregnancy tales with friends who are either currently there with me or have gone before. It is such a freak experience and so lovely to have others to share it with.
• Learning how to relinquish control. I like to have control. In this situation, I have none. I hate that, and I am grateful for that at the same time. Sometimes I need to be put in my place.

I could go on. And on. And on. I will probably add to this list, but for now these are my raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

Edamame, much like edema mommy

We used to frequent sushi establishments prior to the pregnancy (before sushi went on the "prohibited" list) and we'd consume a lot of edamame when we did. Edamame is an early-harvested soybean that is typically steamed and sprinkled with salt, and then you put it in your mouth, pop the beans out of the shell, chew, swallow, and smile with glee. It looks like this:

Eda-nom-noms

When I think about it, I kind of feel like edamame. I feel like I am the rubbery, tough but combustible shell covering a sweet little soybean that's begging to be popped out. I feel this way because of the edema that has settled in. I am the edema-mommy. Edema is a fancy word for "you're crazy swollen." Here's an illustration:

The foot on the right made the mistake of wearing sandals. Silly foot! You can't wear sandals with edema! Or shoes! Or socks! Just breathe, edema foot!

Here's a photo of someone's (not mine, promise!) fat edema foot with cankle on top:

Not my foot, but not too far off from what mine look like, except for the northbound big toe

AHAT = 2 weeks 3 days

Are we there yet????

Anticipated Hannah Arrival Time (AHAT) is now registering at 2 weeks and 3 days. Not.soon.enough. But, soon all the same. I have taken this Vogue-like photo to represent 37 weeks of pure, unquestionable impregnation:

37 weeks

Yowsa.

I have my doctor's appointment today and I am going to bring my bags and continue the negotiation process around getting my due date moved up to...now. Hannah is full term. Why wait any longer?

And naturally my What to Expect app is telling me that Hannah is still the size of a watermelon. Well I should hope so! I am pretty sure we've topped the fruit/veggie chart in baby sizes. If she gets any bigger we'll have to start measuring her in terms of dog sizes ("your baby was a pug and is now a mastiff"). Ouchie pants.

Grab your belly, smile, and say "Awkward!"

Anyone who has been to my house has seen that we keep a copy of Awkward Family Photos in our main floor bathroom because it's stupid funny and the phenomenon of these terrible decisions caught on camera should be celebrated regularly.

Some people like to get tasteful photos of their baby bellies, and sometimes they wind up kind of creepy. I've personally considered getting some awkward photos of myself in this pregnant condition (yes, more awkward than the yellow tank top stretched to the max), but my awkward photos would be more in line with senior pics...like me leaning up against a "BABY 2012" podium with my baby gut resting on top, or me laying in a grassy field amongst McDonald's cheeseburger wrappers...just a few thoughts.

A few gems that my friend Kristine brought to my attention recently can be found by visiting this Parenting site.

OR, do yourself a favor and head out to the Awkward Family Photos - Pregnancy page!

To save you some time if you don't want to see the full lot of awkwardness, here are my personal faves:

Baby is trying to escape from creepy dad via belly button

I had considered painting Jason in the fetal position on my stomach until I found out it was not an original idea

Not sure why these kids grew up to be serial killers

The beach is that way...the bikini-clad beached pregnant lady is the other way

Simply preggo

"Alright, here it comes...get ready to catch!"

Talk about a spare tire - lay off the cupcakes, sister!

Jungle bed rest

If this showed up in my mailbox in December it would be a very Merry Christmas indeed

Belated 36 week photo

I'm a bit behind on this one! Last week was the 36th week, and as of yesterday I'm now 37 weeks along (which is FULL TERM - wahoo!) but I've been slacking on posting the last week's picture.

So, here she is:

36 week photo

The app is now saying that Hannah is the size of a watermelon........uh, ya think? I definitely look like I swallowed a watermelon. Maybe two.

Birth!

Not Hannah's, silly. Mine! Today is my birthday, and I'd like to wish myself a happy one. What? What's wrong with that? Can't I want myself to have a happy birthday? It's my blog. I do what I want.

Hannah's haven!

Alright, here they are......drum roll...........photos of the nursery! Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!
This room has quickly become my favorite in the house. Jason worked very hard on the wainscoting, and we painted the royal plum together back when I could lift things (including myself). Lots of love went into making this a dreamy place to put our little Hannah.

View upon entry - owl buddy on the glider, Hannah letters Aunt Sarah painted above the crib, dresser/changing table

Sock monkey holding down the bookshelf with MANY a book donated from friends and family...Hannah's first library

Picture I painted - above the dresser/changing table

Sock monkey on bookshelf beneath painting I made to accompany the other painting

Chandelier with shades I crafted using hot glue, ribbon, beads, and love

Another view upon entry

Dresser/changing table next to a light and airy window

Wall shelves (w/ unicorn, of course), chocolate glider, crib, and Hannah letters from Aunt Sarah

Exit strategy, exit music

A birth plan (or what I like to refer to as "exit strategy") is a big deal these days, apparently. All the books and sites and sources I read talk about preparing a birth plan for the big baby cometh outeth day. I've reviewed templates because sometimes I prefer to fly by the seat of my maternity jeans but I wanted to know what I was missing. Birth plan templates seem to cover everything you can encounter when a human is trying to fly out your nethers, including pain relief preferences, mood music and lighting, and how big you want your audience to be. So, Jason and I discussed it and we decided that since we don't know how we are going to feel in the moment considering we've not done this before, our birth plan is summed up in three words:

GET IT OUT.

Phew! Check that off the baby preparation list!

We're going to bring our phone with the Pandora app in case we want music, but I did entertain myself by thinking about a few songs that could go on the labor playlist if I thought I'd have a sense of humor during the grand and painful event:

Push It by Salt N Pepa

Come Baby Come by K7

Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash

Hurts So Good by John Mellencamp

Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.

Showered and ready to go!

I'm drenched with love.

I have been blessed with 1, 2, 3 fabulous baby showers.

Shower 1) Lincoln, IL - January 7, 2012
 
My sister-in-law, Nicole, and I were thrown a dual shower by Jason's family. The event was held in conjunction with their family Christmas, so plenty of people were present. My mom and my sister also made the trek up to L-Town, which was incredibly nice of them. A couple of scenes from the shower:

Hannah Sophia blanket, hand-crafted by my MIL

Exaggerated suck-in face, accentuated fat belly, pink baby-themed Christmas tree, gifticles

Nicole and I - getting gifted

Shower 2) InteliSpend Prepaid Solutions in Fenton, MO - February 10, 2012

My friends from work, Kristine and Shayne, threw me one heck of a shower. I was so touched by the number of coworkers who came together to congratulate me and welcome Hannah into the world. It was clear how much detail Kristine and Shayne put into the event - they sure know how to make a girl feel special.

Purple owl streamers that I hear Kristine literally spent hours piecing together herself (a perfect fit for the nursery theme)

Adorably delicious owl cake and strawberry punch that I would have swam in had it not been a possible HR issue

Opening my InteliSpend onesie whilst sitting in the ugly light besides some phenomenal gifts (note the pack n play, for one)

Shower 3) St. Louis, MO - February 26, 2012

I know people say they love their family and their family is the best yada yada yada...but I feel like I have the right to be cocky about mine. They are downright fantastic, and know how to throw a shindig! My mom, sister, aunts, and cousins all came together to bless me with a tremendous "welcome Hannah" party that makes me get all teary-faced when I think about how awesome it was. My Aunt Nancy generously opened up her gorgeous home to my dearest family and friends, and the effort they put into making the shower special was evident...from the delicious blue punch that had pink rubber duckies swimming in it, to the favors/cookies my sister designed, to the diaper cake, to the streamers, to the scrumptious food (Aunt Sue's potato salad gives me contractions it's so stinking good)...I felt the love everywhere. My in-laws even drove on in from L-Town and I got to meet my cute new niece Mykenna (what baby shower is complete without a baby at it?). And the gifts we received were flat-out overwhelming! We have more than what we need now. Just add baby!

So cute you almost wouldn't want to eat it except for the fact that it was the ever-incredible CostCo cake so you pretty much have to or else it would be a sin

Some of the pal-i-leo's

More gal-pals

And more friendsicles

Aunt Sarah HOOKED it up!

Cousin Bobbi's handmade blankie - so cute

And another amazing handmade blanket from the Faser's - such skill!

Courtesy of Kelly Bristol - 31 diaper bag filled with goods, including the wine from my "Friar Tuck registry"

The gals behind the glorious event - my Aunt Nancy, mom, Aunt Sue, and Aunt Kathy - muah!

Aunt Sarah, swollen pregnant lady lookin' like Grimace, Grandma Di