Thursday, October 27, 2011

Shakespeare Rutherford?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet."

Juliet tells Romeo that a name is an artificial and meaningless convention. Juliet also took a potion, played dead, woke up to a poisoned Romeo, and stabbed herself, so her credibility is in question. Personally, I think a lot is in a name, which is why I'm reading Diane Stafford's "Big Book of 60,000 Baby Names" for the fourth time just to make sure I'm not missing anything. Here's what I didn't miss but will definitely bypass...

On the boy list:
  • Danger Rutherford: Surprisingly, the name Danger means dangerous. You'd have to be born with tattoos and self-inflicted cigarette burns up and down your arms to live up to that name.
  • Perfecto Rutherford: Not so mucho.
  • Burr Rutherford: Kind of like my siblings referring to Jason as "Brotherford," only colder. And stupider. 
  • Lucious Rutherford: It's a baby, not a Destiny's Child song.
  • Bucky Rutherford: I realize it's just one letter off from my shortened name, but I think it could quite possibly be one of the most backwoods gutterific names of them all. Slap some chaw in baby Bucky's lip and you won't have to worry about going through the teething phase.
On the girl list:
  • Ruth Rutherford: Nope Noperford. That's like Pete Repeaterson.
  • Honeyblossom Rutherford: Just about as sweet as vomit.
  • Badger Rutherford: Yeah, I bet nobody would bother her with this name.
  • Dusky-Dream Rutherford: More like Foggy-Nightmare name mistake.
  • Janoah Rutherford: "You Janoah bad Rutherford name when you see one!"

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